If I Dream Read online

  “Don’t expect your sister to help. She’s the one who did the right thing and told me about it.”

  Serena covered her face with her hands and cried as I listened to her father tell someone on the phone that she’d be coming to live with them. What the hell had she done?

  I wanted to ask, but I didn’t think she was in any condition to explain and her sister seemed to be enjoying her misery way too much. And Robert likely would be sending me packing at any moment.

  “Daddy, please don’t send me away,” she begged after he put his phone back into his pocket. “I won’t go to school. I’ll stay right here like Janelle. I promise.”

  Robert just shook his head as his frown deepened. “No, you can’t be trusted. You knew how I felt about this and still went behind my back. You knew what the punishment would be if I found out, so now you’ll pay the price for your lying.”

  He turned to face me and narrowed his eyes to angry squints. “Plus, after what I just saw, I think a year or two away is the only thing that will set you straight.”

  Janelle’s smile broadened as Serena cried out, “A year or two? No! Please don’t send me to Uncle Joseph’s for that long. I won’t do it again. I’ll be the perfect daughter, Daddy. I promise. Just let me stay here.”

  “No. It’s done. I’ll have the plane ready to go tonight. Pack your things.”

  Serena collapsed into the chair behind her and cried harder, but Robert simply rolled his eyes. “For God’s sake, it’s not like you’re being sent to military school. Do you know how many girls would kill to live in Italy? Damnit, I’d kill to spend a year or two there, so stop your crying and go get ready to leave.”

  She didn’t say another word, but when she looked over at me before she left, I saw that same sadness in her eyes I’d seen the night I met her in that very room. I couldn’t help feel bad for her. Her own sister had betrayed her, and her father didn’t seem to care how what he was doing made her miserable.

  I wanted to tell her something, but Robert shot me a nasty glare to let me know no matter what he’d said about me being family, this wasn’t something I should get involved with.

  Janelle followed her sister out looking incredibly pleased with what had happened and I waited for Robert to tell me where I’d be shipped off to. It didn’t matter. All that had been good about this house was leaving for Italy, and I’d probably never see Serena again.

  So much for another of my pipe dreams.

  PART TWO

  Chapter Seven

  Serena

  I waited for the driver to stop the car in front of the house, my mind filled with the past and what had sent me away from there two years before. Janelle had been thrilled to tell me that Ryder ended up in the hospital for two weeks after getting beaten until he was unconscious right after I left. She didn’t know who did it, but I guessed it had been my father as punishment for what he’d caught us doing.

  Week after week, I sent Ryder texts, but he never answered back. I sent letters too but never received one back from him. I called him but got the message that his number was out of service. I knew better than to ask my sister about him, so in all my time away I hadn’t heard a word from him.

  Maybe it was for the best. Like he said, we didn’t have a lot in common, and now that was truer than ever. Two years in Italy away from my family, friends, and the only home I’d ever known had made me a different person. I’d changed little on the outside, but who I was had changed. Gone was the sweet girl who had just wanted to go to school for social work and try to make the world a better place.

  My father had made sure that person died the night he sent me away without a second thought. I hadn’t spoken to him more than a handful of times in all the months I spent at his brother’s. Not that I had any expectation of him calling to apologizing for sending me away where I knew not a soul except for my aunt and uncle. That wasn’t my father’s style. In his mind, I’d betrayed him and had to pay the price.

  Nothing like fatherly devotion.

  I walked up to the front of my home and marveled at the size of the glass doors leading into the grand entranceway. In all the years I’d live there before, never once had I noticed how big they were and how grand the house itself was. I’d always just seen it as my home.

  The sound of my heels as I walked across the white marble tiles alone struck me as they echoed off the walls. I hadn’t expected a formal welcoming party, but my father and Janelle knew I was coming home this evening. I’d thought at least they’d be around for my return.

  Dropping my bags at the foot of the staircase, I balanced myself on the wrought iron railing and slipped my shoes off to be barefoot once again. I’d never felt right doing that at my uncle’s house, but now that I was back in my own home, I intended to get comfortable.

  I headed to my father’s study, hoping to find someone home. Hearing noises like people were talking in there, I knocked on the doorframe and quietly said, “I’m home. Did anyone miss me?”

  Both Janelle and my father turned to look at me and smiled like nothing had ever happened. “Serena, we were just talking about you. Come in!”

  My father’s excitement at seeing me threw me off a bit, and when my sister ran to me to give me a big hug, I immediately suspected something was wrong. Someone had surely died. That was the only explanation that sounded right as I reluctantly hugged my Judas.

  “Daddy has great news he wants to share with you,” she said as she backed away and grinned from ear to ear.

  My sister’s smile reminded me of my father’s, and I’d never seen him smile like that for anything truly good. I braced myself for whatever the news was, hoping no one I knew would be harmed by it.

  “Tell her!” Janelle said with a nudge to his arm, practically overflowing with excitement. “If you don’t tell her, I will.”

  “Serena, you’re home just in time for the celebration. Your sister’s getting married,” my father announced in a chipper voice.

  I stood stunned as the news of my sister’s impending wedding sunk in. Never in all the times I’d asked for news of home had she even mentioned seeing anyone, much less being serious enough to be engaged.

  “Really? To whom?”

  “Charles Anderson IV,” Janelle said, beaming her happiness. “He’s the sole heir to a multi-million dollar fortune.”

  “Oh. Well, congratulations,” I said in a voice that didn’t sound very convincing.

  That my sister and father were giddy over her marrying some guy who she described in terms of how much he was worth told me everything I needed to know about this coupling. If ever there was a marriage of convenience, this was it. The guy was probably old and decrepit with one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel my sister had happily thrown on the ground in front of him.

  Janelle grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the door. “Come! We’ll go upstairs and talk all about my upcoming wedding, your bridesmaid dress, and all sorts of good things that have happened since you’ve been gone.”

  My father waved us out with a smile and I followed my sister, my homecoming obviously over. I hadn’t expected much, and I hadn’t been disappointed.

  I sat down on Janelle’s bed and watched her bounce up and down with excitement to show me her wedding gown. White satin with enough lace to make it qualify as the world’s biggest doily, it reminded me of something uptight Victorian women wore to their weddings. Since my sister was anything but uptight, it seemed like a strange choice for her.

  “What do you think? It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” she asked as she twirled around with it trailing behind her.

  “It’s very nice.”

  As I watched her dance around with her lacy dress, I had a horrifying thought. What would the bridesmaid dress look like if that was the wedding gown?

  She hung it up and sat down on the bed in front of me. “Charles picked it out. He loved it from the second he saw it.”

  “Isn’t it bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress
before the ceremony?” I asked, really wanting to ask what kind of man picked out his future wife’s gown.

  But she seemed disinterested in my concern for superstition. “Oh, I’m not worried. He’s got great taste and it cost a fortune. How could I say no?”

  “I guess you couldn’t,” I mumbled, feeling like I’d come home to the wrong house. Where had my bitchy older sister gone and who was this Stepford wife sitting on her bed with me?

  Janelle touched my arm and squeezed it. “I’m so glad you’re home in time for the wedding, Serena. It really does mean a lot to me.”

  That my return fit in with her schedule was a complete coincidence as far as I was concerned. I’d finished classes a few weeks earlier and my uncle informed me that my father had called to say he wanted me to come home. He never mentioned any impending wedding to anyone, and as far as my uncle was concerned, my father simply had decided the time was right to have his younger daughter back.

  “Well, I’m just happy that you’re happy.”

  Empty words and meaningless platitudes seemed to appease her because she gave my wrist another squeeze and continued going on about how blissfully happy this Charles guy made her. “I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

  “How long have you two been dating? What’s he like?” I asked, curious enough to wonder if this Charles was the reason my sister had experienced a total change of personality.

  Janelle tilted her head to the side and scrunched up her face like she was trying to think of a good way to answer me. “We haven’t really been dating, per se. I met him and we hit it off, so I said yes when Daddy made the deal for us to get married.”

  Just as I’d thought. This marriage was made well south of heaven.

  “So this is an arranged thing because he wants you to marry someone who can help him?”

  Shrugging, she nodded as if none of this bothered her. “It’s not a big deal, Serena. Charles has money, he’s not ugly, and I’ll be taken care of for the rest of my life. All I have to do is be the kind of wife a wealthy man wants.”

  “I’m not even going to ask what that means.”

  She rolled her eyes at my judging her. “Life isn’t about hearts and flowers, baby sister. I have no education and no job. I need to make sure that I get myself set up with a good man, and Charles is a good man. So he’s a little older. So what? So he’s not some hot stud. He’ll take care of me, and when his father dies, he’s set to inherit a lot of money. From where I stand, he’s a good catch.”

  “How much older is he, Janelle?”

  I had this image of some old geezer who was barely mobile standing all hunched over at the altar at their wedding. My sister wasn’t a real prize, and I wasn’t her fan by any means, but even she didn’t deserve to shackle herself to some geriatric money machine just for security.

  “He’s ten years older than me. It’s not a big deal at all. And he doesn’t look like he’s thirty-three, so it’s all good.”

  Early thirties wasn’t ancient, but it certainly wasn’t what I’d want. Then again, my sister and I had always been like night and day, so maybe she’d be happy with this guy.

  “Do you at least care for him, Janelle? I know you don’t want to live here with our father for the rest of your life, but are you and Charles in love or is this just a business arrangement?”

  Sighing, she shrugged again. “Love isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. Anyway, I like him and we get along. That’s better than most married couples can claim.”

  “I guess.”

  It all sounded so sterile. I couldn’t imagine settling for something so lacking for the rest of my life. There was no way I’d ever be forced into some arranged marriage simply because it benefited my father’s business interests. I’d sooner be thrown out into the streets and have to beg for every morsel of food I put in my mouth before I’d be used as a pawn like that.

  Janelle patted my hand sympathetically like she was trying to make me feel better about her choices. “You’ll see. It’s all going to work out for the best. Charles and I will be happy, and Daddy’s happy. It’s a win-win situation.”

  “You know, you don’t have to settle for this just to make him happy. I know a life as a kept woman sounds good now, but what about ten or twenty years down the road? Daddy isn’t going to live forever.”

  She jumped up off the bed and began pacing. “But that’s the best reason to do this, Serena. What happens when our father dies and he leaves us nothing because we had the bad luck not to be born with dicks? He’ll leave his businesses to one of his guys and we’ll be left with this house, if we’re lucky. I’m looking out for my future with this marriage. You should start to do the same for yourself before it’s too late.”

  “I got to go to school while I was away. Whether Daddy likes it or not, I’m going to finish my degree and get a job. I’m not going to be saddled with the future he wants to force on me. I made sure of that the night I left this place two years ago.”

  Completely ignoring her part in my forced exile, she sat down next to me as a look of curiosity settled into her face. “He made that guy one of his guards, you know that? Ryder. He spent weeks in the hospital right after you left and when he came back to the house he was different. Now he lives in the apartments in the south wing with the other security guys.”

  I hadn’t wanted to know about Ryder or what had happened to him. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t try to find out since he’d never bothered to try to contact me in the entire two years I was gone. Hearing that he’d suffered because of what we did and then became one of my father’s henchmen didn’t make me happy.

  Not that he ever had much of a future other than that once he walked through those glass front doors.

  “Well, I better get to bed. I’m dealing with a case of jetlag, so sleep is calling.”

  I stood from the bed and forced a smile for Janelle. I’d expected to find the same bitchy person she was when I left, and I was happy she’d changed that part of her. But the woman she’d become was no more like me than that other version of her.

  As it had always been, I was the odd one of the family. Janelle may not have been as nasty, but now she was more like my father than ever before.

  “Okay, when you wake up we’ll start on your gown and all that stuff because the wedding is next weekend.”

  I forced another smile at the thought of what that bridesmaid dress would look like and headed toward my room. If I was lucky, sleep would come fast so I didn’t have to think about it or any of the things that had changed while I was gone.

  Chapter Eight

  Ryder

  “Hand me my belt,” I said as I stood next to the bed buttoning my shirt.

  “If you want it, you’ll have to come get it.”

  I didn’t have time for Kitty’s games tonight. Janelle and her fiancé’s engagement party would be starting in less than an hour, and if I didn’t get back to the estate in the next few minutes, Robert would start peppering my phone with nasty texts by the minute.

  Leaning over the bed, I ripped the belt out of her hand, nearly slapping her in the face with the buckle as I yanked it toward me. Like always when I left, she sat staring at me with a pout on her lips.

  “Why do you need to be at that stupid party for Robert’s daughter anyway? It’s not like you’re the one marrying her,” Kitty whined, twirling her blond hair around her finger.

  I looked up as I slid the belt through the loops on my black dress pants and threw her a look even she’d understand. “Because it’s my job. That’s why. Do I ask you why you have to go to the club when you’re scheduled?”

  Her lower lip jutted out into an even more pronounced pout. “But I’m not scheduled every day, twenty-four seven. He barely gives you time to have the tiniest bit of a social life, Ryder. For being his favorite, you don’t seem to get treated very well.”

  “I have to go,” I said flatly before turning toward the door.

  “Don’t you even want to give me a kiss?”
she whined, and when I looked back she’d crawled across the bed near where I stood.

  I didn’t want to kiss her. I didn’t want to do anything more than what I’d already done with her, which was likely too much. For almost two years, I’d come to this two-room apartment of hers once or twice a week for nothing more than to get laid. I wasn’t proud of that fact, but there it was.

  Kitty had always chosen to interpret what we were doing together as something far more than just sleeping together. At first, I’d just ignored her when she called me her boyfriend because I couldn’t believe anyone could confuse what we did a couple times a week with a relationship. Fuck, we didn’t even talk much before or after getting down to business. How could this be a relationship?

  We were just two people escaping the loneliness of life with each other for a little while. Nothing more. I’d never wanted more. Hell, I never even wanted this much.

  I’d helped her one night after her shift at one of Robert’s clubs when her boyfriend slapped her around and left her bloody behind the building. I’d never meant to do anything other than take her home and help her clean herself up, but one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together.

  As far as I was concerned, that was supposed to be the first and last time we got together, but somehow in those early days after Serena left for Italy, it didn’t take much more than a call from Kitty asking for my help with some stupid thing to get me to her place, and from there we evolved into what we were now.

  I would have ended it a long time ago, but it never seemed like the right time. So it continued, even though I couldn’t honestly say I wanted it to.

  “Ryder, did you hear me? I asked you if you’re coming by tomorrow.”

  Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I looked down at her kneeling naked on the bed. “I don’t know. Robert’s got me working overtime with this wedding business. I’ll call you.”