If We Fall Read online

  A date with destiny.

  Hurrying to the nurses’ station on the maternity floor, I leaned over the counter and said, “I need to find Serena Erickson. She’s in labor. I’m the father.”

  I looked back at Robert standing behind me and then looked back at the nurse staring up at me. “I mean, not her father. I’m the baby’s father, and I’d like to be there when he or she arrives.”

  Although I guessed it didn’t matter, I wasn’t making much sense. I didn’t care. She got the gist of what I meant. I’d let Robert explain it to her.

  The nurse pointed down the hall and smiled. “She’s in Room 308 and resting comfortably, Mr. Erickson.”

  The sound of that hit my ears completely wrong, and I cringed at her mistake. “Ugh, no…but thanks.”

  I left Robert to correct her and headed down to Serena’s room. Resting comfortably probably meant they’d given her something for the pain, so maybe that had slowed things down to give me time to get there before the baby arrived. As my mind raced with a million questions, I tried to remind myself that women gave birth every day. She’d be fine.

  We’d be fine.

  Outside her room, I stopped and closed my eyes, trying to quiet my brain. Serena needed me to be calm and strong. What I always was for her. That’s what she needed, so I took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open, hoping I could be that for her.

  “Ryder! You’re here!”

  My eyes fixed on Serena smiling and holding something in her arms. I took two steps into the room and stopped at the foot of her bed.

  “He’s here already? How? What happened? When did you go into labor?” I asked, unsure what to say as confusion, disappointment, and joy mixed together in my mind.

  She beamed a smile and nodded. “He is. I guess when all that happened with Jesse, my labor started. I’m okay, though. Come look at him. He’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen in my life, Ryder.”

  I stepped toward her and stopped dead as the realization of what I was seeing sunk in. “It’s a boy?”

  Serena reached out and took my hand in hers. “He is, and he’s so beautiful. I can’t stop looking at him. He’s perfect in every way.”

  She lifted him slightly so I could see his face, and I stood there speechless staring at him there in her arms. So tiny, his little head was covered in dark hair and he had the tiniest mouth I’d ever seen on a human being. And the tiniest nose.

  “Isn’t he incredible?”

  I wanted to say he was the most beautiful thing I’d seen in my life, but all my brain could do was tell my eyes to stay on that little face. His little face.

  My son.

  Serena squeezed my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I looked down at her to see worry in her eyes. How could she be anything but blissfully happy with him there with her?

  “What’s wrong?” I asked as he made a little cooing noise and stretched his hand out from beneath the blanket.

  “You weren’t saying anything. I thought you weren’t happy. Are you happy?” she asked, her voice trembling with fear.

  Leaning down, I pressed a soft kiss to her lips and whispered against them, “I’ve never been happier in my entire life, Serena. Thank you.”

  Tears filled her eyes, and she smiled. “I didn’t do this alone. Look what we did, Ryder,” she said as she touched our son’s perfect fingers. “He’s got ten fingers and ten toes, and they’re all soft and new.”

  Serena brushed her lips against his hand and giggled. “He even smells perfect. Wait until he opens his eyes. He’s all you, Ryder.”

  I sat down beside her on the bed and kissed her on the cheek. “All us. Remember, we’re in this together.”

  Turning to look at me, she nodded, smiling like I’d never seen her smile before. “The three of us. Ryder, Serena, and Cayden.”

  “Cayden?” I asked as I tried to remember that name being mentioned as one of the possibilities we’d talked about all those nights we lay in bed.

  “Yes. Cayden. It means fighter.”

  Fighter. I didn’t want my son to ever have to know what I’d done in my life before that moment. All the times I’d used my fists to hurt another person made me cringe now.

  “Just as long as he never steps foot in the ring, Serena. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he never sees that life.”

  Tilting her head, she kissed his forehead and whispered, “Welcome to the world, Cayden. You are wanted, and even more, you are loved.”

  Never before in my life had I gotten to experience anything as beautiful as Serena holding our son and telling him we loved him. But one thing about this wasn’t perfect, and I needed to change that.

  “Serena, will you marry me?”

  She snapped her head around to face me with a look of surprise. “Marry you?”

  “Yes. Marry me. Our son deserves for us to be married.”

  “What about my father? He’s never going to allow it, Ryder.”

  “I don’t care what he allows. Do you love me, Serena?”

  Nodding, she began to cry. “I’ve always loved you, Ryder.”

  Cayden opened his mouth to let out the tiniest little cry and then immediately fell back to sleep. I touched his cheek with my fingertip and turned to look at Serena. “And I love you, and now we have a son, and he clearly likes my idea enough to wake up and voice his opinion.”

  Serena bit her lip nervously. “Are you sure you want to marry me?”

  I looked into those beautiful brown eyes so gentle and sweet and couldn’t imagine life without her. “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life, so say yes and we’ll get married, and to hell with what Robert thinks about it.”

  “Okay. I want to marry you too.”

  Pulling her close, I kissed her and then kissed Cayden. “Good! I’ll take care of everything and we’ll do it as soon as we can.”

  Just as I explained our plans to her, the door opened and Robert walked in with Janelle right behind him. The two of them smiled like they were the new parents of our little boy, surprising me and Serena.

  “I need to see that nephew of mine right now!” Janelle squealed as she came around the other side of the bed to see him.

  “He’s sleeping now, but here he is. Cayden Rhodes.”

  Janelle’s eyes opened wide, and she stared down at the baby like he was something magical she’d never seen before in her life. “Oh, he’s precious! I love him already, Serena. He’s just the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen!”

  “Isn’t he?” Serena beamed her pride at how perfect Cayden was. “I can’t get over how much I love him and he’s only been in my life for a couple hours.”

  Robert stood at the foot of the bed silently watching all of this until Janelle waved him over. He seemed reluctant to even be near the baby, but he slowly walked over to stand next to her and finally looked down at our son, studying him like he always seemed to be doing with me.

  “He’s a beautiful boy, Serena.”

  I expected him to say more, but I didn’t expect him to take him out of his mother’s arms without even asking. Instantly, my protective instincts kicked in, and I stood from the bed. I hadn’t held my son yet, but Robert had before me.

  He gently cradled Cayden in his arms, rocking him softly, but every part of my being stayed on edge as he held my son. He did nothing harmful to him and even smiled a few times, but everything about the scene playing out in front of me felt wrong. I didn’t want Robert anywhere near Serena or Cayden. They were gentle and good, everything he wasn’t, and for him to touch any part of them sickened me.

  Turning his back to the three of us, he walked around the bed and stopped next to me. As he handed my son to me, he whispered, “Someday you’re going to grow up to rule the world, little boy. You’ve got a great future ahead of you.”

  I took the baby into my arms for the first time and breathed a sigh of relief as I held him close to me, ready to protect him from the likes of Robert if I had to.

  Now and
for the rest of his life.

  Serena eagerly reached out to take him again, and I saw the worry written all over her face. She knew, like I did, we would have to protect Cayden from his grandfather and all his world.

  Chapter Two

  Serena

  The hungry stare in my father’s eyes when he looked at my son terrified me, and everything my mother told me about his obsessions raced through my brain. I wouldn’t let him do that to my child, and I knew Ryder would sooner die than see Cayden go through what we’d dealt with.

  “I think our little boy is tired from all this excitement, so maybe he should rest,” Ryder said as he sat down beside me again. “Mommy and baby need to recharge their batteries. It’s been a big day for both of them.”

  He took my hand in his and gently squeezed it, like a sign that he’d seen that same possessive look in my father’s eyes when he looked at our son.

  “Can I come back and see him again?” Janelle asked in a voice filled with disappointment. Her pout looked genuine, but I had to admit that her affection for the baby surprised me. Never before had she shown any interest at all in anything regarding me.

  As much as I may have wanted to say no because I knew she’d come with my father in tow, I smiled up at her and nodded. “Sure. I think we’ll be here for at least another day, so you can come later today or maybe be at the house when we get home tomorrow.”

  Janelle’s face lit up with excitement, and she turned to look at my father. “You said my room was being turned into the nursery, right? Is that almost ready?”

  Surprised to hear plans had been made without telling me, I turned to see Ryder grimacing at the whole conversation. It felt like every other time in my life when my father simply steamrolled over everyone and did exactly what he wanted, when he wanted.

  “I just had them start last night, so it might be a few days.”

  Clutching Cayden to me, I couldn’t help express my disgust with my father and his plans. “You have people working on our child’s nursery without even asking his parents what they want the room to look like? Don’t you think you should have at least consulted with us?”

  My father’s mouth dropped open and his usually staid expression slid from his face. For a moment, I thought my outburst had angered him, but he quickly put on a smile and lowered his head as if in deference to me.

  “You’re right, Serena. I should have asked you before getting the men to work. If you don’t like anything you see when you return home, I will make sure they do things to your liking. For now, I think Janelle and I will leave you three alone. Janelle, let’s go.”

  My sister hurried to follow my father as he turned on his heels and walked out of my hospital room, leaving Ryder and me speechless for a few moments. I’d never seen my father so contrite in my life.

  “I don’t think he expected you to call him out on that, Serena. He looked stunned,” Ryder said proudly before kissing me on the cheek.

  I looked down at Cayden and gently squeezed him to me. “Don’t mess with mama bear.”

  Ryder chuckled at my comment and reached over to tickle the baby’s cheeks. “Or daddy bear, for that matter.”

  “You know, I feel like a totally new person now. It’s like this little angel came along and gave me the strength I’ve always wished I had. I didn’t even think about what would happen if I said something to my father about that whole nursery thing. I didn’t like it, and I said something about it.”

  He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “I’m proud of you, Serena. I want you to know that.”

  When he said things like that, I felt like I could conquer the world as long as I had him by my side. But I needed someone else with me too.

  Looking up at him, I asked, “What about my mother, Ryder? Where is she? I want her to see her grandson.”

  The look of uncertainty settled into his face, worrying me. “Michael got her away, but I don’t know anything more. I gave him your number to call, but then everything with Jesse happened…”

  His sentence slowly faded away, and I heard in his voice the regret for what he’d had to do about his friend. Ryder may have had to do things most people would be appalled by, but it wasn’t in his nature to be unnecessarily cruel.

  He just didn’t have a choice out there at my mother’s house.

  “You did what you had to so I wouldn’t get hurt. Don’t blame yourself. He made his choice when he agreed to do what my father ordered him to do.”

  Ryder stood from the bed and slowly walked toward the window. “I know. Luckily, the police don’t blame me either, or I’d still be handcuffed to the bed two floors up.”

  “What?” I said far too loudly and sat up straight, waking Cayden in the process. “What happened?”

  He looked back at me and shook his head. “Nothing worth talking about. When I woke up, I was under arrest for Jesse’s murder. But everything got straightened out. Don’t worry.”

  The baby began to cry, so I nestled him to my breast and began to feed him as the mere thought of Ryder being under arrest simply for protecting me made my heart hurt. “That’s not right. You weren’t trying to hurt him. You told him over and over to just leave and go back to my father. I’ll tell the police that so they can know you didn’t do anything wrong, Ryder.”

  “It’s okay,” he said, leaning against the window ledge as he watched me feed Cayden. “They did their investigation and figured out I was protecting you. It’s okay now. Don’t worry.”

  “I am worried, Ryder. No matter what my father looked like here today when he came to see the baby, he sent someone to kill my mother. I can’t forgive that. I can’t forgive anything he’s done. Now that Cayden is here, everything’s different. At least it is for me. I don’t want our son tainted by that world my father lives in. I don’t want that ugliness touching him.”

  “You don’t know how much I wish I had gotten you away from all that before he was born, Serena. If only I hadn’t screwed everything up,” Ryder said quietly.

  “I know, but that’s all in the past. Now we have the three of us, our family, to protect. Our son can’t afford for me to be weak not a day longer.”

  Ryder smiled and motioned toward where the baby lay happily eating. “There’s nothing about this scene that looks weak to me. I wish I had been there for you when you were giving birth to him. I’m sorry about that.”

  I extended my arm toward him and he walked over to take my hand in his. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. It was a birth like any other. You were there for the important part in the beginning and for this part,” I said with a giggle.

  He sat down next to me and tenderly ran his hand over the top of Cayden’s head, touching his soft black hair. “I swear to you that we’re going to be okay. This little guy has changed everything, and from now on, I’m not going to be doing anything for your father that I’d be ashamed if someday my son found out about it. That might mean we have some lean times ahead of us because I’m probably going to have to get a different job, but I’m not doing Robert’s dirty work anymore.”

  The memory of my father so intently focused on Cayden made me think it would be highly unlikely he’d do anything to risk us leaving the house. Now that my mother was safely away, he had no real control over me anymore, so if he decided he couldn’t abide by Ryder’s choices, the three of us would leave that place, and I’d never look back.

  “I don’t think he’ll give you a difficult time, to be honest. I’m more concerned about how interested he is already in our son. You saw how he talked to him, didn’t you? It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He’s always wanted a son, and I think for a long time he found that in you. Now I’m afraid he wants to find that in our son.”

  A hard look settled into Ryder’s eyes, and he shook his head. “I wanted to tell him to get the hell out of here when he was talking to him. It’s like I could see the wheels turning in his head the whole time he was looking at him. He’s not getting his hands on him, Serena. I p
romise you that.”

  I lifted Cayden to my shoulder and gently patted his back to burp him. I loved the feel of him next to me, a tiny human entirely dependent on his parents for everything. That meant the world to me. I’d lived my entire life with a father who manipulated me emotionally and tried to control my every movement, and now that I was a mother, I knew just how terribly wrong that had been of him to do to me and Janelle. She never seemed to be bothered by it, but I’d always bristled against his controlling my life with an iron hand.

  My son would never experience that misery. Not from me or Ryder, and not from my father. Whether Robert Erickson knew it or not, his world had turned on its axis. The days of him ruling over me were over.

  “We’re going to have to be careful, Serena. Your mother is right. When he fixes his focus on someone or something, he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he calls it his. It used to be you and then it was me. Now it looks like he’s moved on to Cayden. But if he thinks he’s going to take him away from us, I won’t hesitate for a moment. I want you to know that. I’ll do what I have to.”

  Ryder took the baby in his arms to give me a little break, and I watched as he slowly walked around the room with his son. The joy in his eyes as he looked down at that tiny bundle cradled in his protective arms made my heart swell with happiness.

  This was what Oliver had hoped we’d never have together. He’d taken it from us, but only temporarily.

  And now that I had this in my life, I would protect it with everything in my being.

  “You look so wonderful holding him,” I said as Ryder smiled down at Cayden.

  He looked at me, and I saw tears in his eyes. “You know, I wasn’t sure anyone like me should even be a father, Serena. I never doubted you’d be a wonderful mother. You’re sweet and gentle and everything a child could need. But I’m hard and I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. I didn’t know if I could be what a father needs to be.”

  His doubt tugged at my heart. I’d never for a second thought Ryder wouldn’t be a wonderful father. Protective and strong, he was everything I’d always wished my father would have been for me.