If You Fight (Corrupted Love Book 2) Read online

  Johnson guessed it was probably black, and knowing Oliver drove a dark blue BMW, I said, “Black or blue. Either one.”

  I hoped Robert took the hint.

  He looked off in the distance like he was running through every car that he knew could be on the estate, and then he narrowed his eyes.

  “Hmmm.”

  I wanted to ask if he’d remembered something, but I didn’t have the chance. Spinning on his heels, he pushed past me as he barked, “Johnson, keep looking at those tapes! Ryder, be ready when I call you.”

  All I could hope for was he had finally come to the realization that the only person who could have hurt Serena was her husband. When the time came and he gave me the order to take care of Oliver for what he’d done, she’d have to understand.

  Even if I had a choice, he’d be dead. Thankfully, I wouldn’t have a choice.

  Chapter Three

  Serena

  Oliver’s footsteps coming toward the kitchen made my stomach tense up, and a second later he appeared in the doorway sneering at me like he always did since I’d returned home from the hospital.

  “Are you planning to just sit there moping all day like usual?” he asked as his disgusted sneer morphed into an angry glare.

  “I’m not moping. I’m just sitting here having a cup of tea. Aren’t you late for work?”

  His face twisted into an ugly grimace. “Even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be staying here another minute anyway.”

  The sun streamed in through the kitchen window, warming my back and making me feel safe, for the moment. I wanted to tell him he hadn’t succeeded in hurting me. He’d taken my baby, but I was still here, and I was getting stronger every day.

  The time would come for those words to be spoken and many others, but not today. For the time being, I’d take his insults and nastiness and file it all away in my mind so when the moment came that I could get my revenge, all of it would be right there for me to draw on so my hatred for him couldn’t wane.

  “Will you be home at the same time as always?” I asked.

  His eyes narrowed to spiteful slits as he shook his head. “I’m going to find out whose fucking bastard that was, and when I do, Serena, the two of you are going to pay.”

  I didn’t reply to his threat. There was no point. If he ever did find out Ryder had been the father before I had a chance to exact my revenge on him, he’d be the one who’d pay. I knew Ryder well enough to be sure of that.

  But that’s not what I wanted. What I still prayed for every night was revenge. Sweet revenge that would show Oliver I wasn’t some unwanted thing he could just discard by throwing it down the stairs.

  The kind of revenge that would show him that I was as strong as I wanted to believe I could be.

  The door slammed behind him, leaving me sitting alone in the warm sun. Closing my eyes, I tried to push away the ugliness he made me feel and focused on how much I wished Ryder was there with me.

  * * *

  The doctors told me I had to be on bed rest for a few days after getting home, but all I could think about was finding some way to see Ryder. Oliver didn’t bother to pretend he cared one bit about me when we were alone in our apartment together, and each night I knew I could rely on him staying at the appraisal office until at least eight o’clock.

  The problem was my father. Every evening, he seemed to have something or other for Ryder to do that kept him busy until after I knew it would be safe for us to meet. I began to wonder if he knew about the two of us, but every time I messaged Ryder about it, he tried to ease my mind and told me there was no chance he knew.

  I didn’t care if he found out, to be honest. What could he do to us worse than what Oliver had done already? I knew my father depended on Ryder too much to send him away. I’d probably get the worst of it from him anyway, but it would be worth it if we could finally be together.

  Finally, nearly a week after coming home from the hospital, I walked down to my father’s office pretending to want to see him. Maybe if I made it seem like I had something I wanted to say, he’d let Ryder go for the night so I could sneak up to his place right after finishing with my father.

  For ten minutes, I lurked outside his door as he sat at his desk reading emails. Ryder saw me and gave me a tiny smile, forced to pretend that my presence meant nothing to him because two other men who worked for my father were also there.

  Being so close to him yet not being able to touch him since that night in the hospital made my heart ache. I knew he was going through the same thing I was and if only we could be alone we’d finally be able to talk about what we’d lost. Neither of us had been able to do that in the hospital, but since I came home, the reality of how much I needed to speak to him about it pressed down on me every moment of the day.

  “Serena, is something wrong? Why are you hovering around my office door?” my father finally yelled out to me.

  I peeked my head in and smiled, putting on my happiest face. “Nothing’s wrong. I just hoped to see you because I haven’t since I got home.”

  My father’s face grew stern. “You’re supposed to be on bed rest, aren’t you? The doctors stressed that you needed to rest to recuperate.”

  Left unsaid were the words after your attack, or the real truth, after your miscarriage. My father had never been the kind of man to want to talk about things like that with me, though.

  “It’s been almost a week, Daddy. They said I should be okay to move around now,” I explained as I took a single step into the room to stand next to Ryder who stood at his post beside the door.

  Sneaking a brief look at him, I saw his expression and my heart skipped a beat. Never before had he appeared so serious. It was like his face had been turned to stone, even when he looked at me.

  My father closed his laptop and gave me the most genuine smile I’d ever received from him. “Sit down. I don’t want you hurting yourself because you’re bored in that apartment of yours. That is why you’re here, isn’t it?”

  I wasn’t sure if he knew how little time Oliver spent at home, but by the sharpness of his tone, I sensed he might and how he disapproved. He had no idea how happy it made me that my dear husband didn’t care to be around me at all now.

  “It does get a little boring sitting around all day,” I admitted as I sat down in one of the red leather chairs in front of his desk.

  He studied me for a moment and smiled again before waving away the two men standing on the opposite side of the room near the bookcases. “Perhaps if we got you a kitten you’d be happy.”

  “I don’t need a kitten. I miss human contact with other people, Daddy. That’s why I came down to see you tonight.”

  “Human contact? Perhaps it’s time I had your sister come to stay for a few days. It could be nice for the two of you to spend some time together. I think she told me that husband of hers was out of town on business this week when I spoke to her the other day, so it could be good for both of you.”

  Having my sister under foot was exactly what I didn’t want. She had only called me once after my father told her what happened, and that phone call had consisted entirely of her bragging about how she and her husband would be taking a vacation to Jamaica once he returned from his business trip and not even once asking if I needed anything or how I felt. I’d lived with her narcissism growing up. I didn’t want to deal with any more of it now.

  “Oh no, I don’t know if I’m up to that. Janelle has a very busy life of her own too, so I doubt she’d want to sit around with me for a few days. She has to get ready for that vacation Charles is taking her on when he gets back.”

  My father nodded. Apparently, he’d heard chapter and verse about her oh so wonderful vacation too.

  “That’s right. They’re spending two weeks in Jamaica at the end of the month. Well, there has to be something we can get you to keep you occupied until you’re one hundred percent again.”

  He tapped his fingertips off his desktop as he thought about what possible entertainment he co
uld find for me, but all I wanted to do was spend some time alone with the person who still stood silently near the door. I didn’t dare look over at Ryder, but I felt his stare on me whenever my father wasn’t looking.

  “What about if I helped you around your office here? I could file things away for you and little jobs like that,” I suggested, knowing he would dismiss the very idea out of hand.

  Quickly, he shook his head. “No, I don’t want you working for me like a secretary. I do my own filing. Plus, this is where I conduct business, and you don’t want to be involved in that.”

  No, I didn’t, but if it meant I’d get to at least spend time near Ryder and possibly have the chance to speak a few words to him each day, then I’d do menial jobs around my father’s office. Anything to be close to him.

  “I just want to not be alone, Daddy,” I said, admitting what was brutally true on more levels than he understood.

  A flash of sadness passed over his face for a moment, and he looked over toward his office door. “Ryder, leave us. I’ll call you when I need you.”

  My heart sank, and I turned to see the only soul I wanted to truly speak to silently walk out, leaving me with a man who’d married me to the monster who’d tried to kill me a week before.

  When we were alone, my father leaned forward toward me and frowned like I’d done something that displeased him. “Serena, I know what’s going on here. I just don’t know what to do about it.”

  As he spoke, my stomach turned at the thought that he knew about Ryder and me and even knew about the baby. “What’s going on? What do you mean?”

  “I mean you’ve lost a baby and now you’re feeling lost yourself. I don’t know how to make that go away.”

  My father had so rarely said anything genuinely kind to me that I suddenly broke down and began crying. He didn’t know how close to the truth his assessment of my problem was. He thought I felt lost because my husband was rarely home with me since I’d been released from the hospital. If he only knew the truth that the person I needed to be with lived only a few yards away from me and suffered in silence just as I had.

  I buried my face in my hands and sobbed at how much I needed Ryder, wishing I could tell my father the truth, even if it made a mess of things worse than they already were.

  “Serena, I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t know what to do to fix it, though. Perhaps if you returned to volunteering like you used to when you were in high school that might make you feel better. You’d get out of the house a few times a week, and you’d be able to see other people.”

  Drying my eyes, I thought about his suggestion and saw at least the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe if he had Ryder drive me to the soup kitchen I used to volunteer at, we’d have the chance to speak to each other for a few minutes, at least.

  “I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe it would do me good to help others now. I don’t know if I can drive yet, though. Can you have Ryder drive me? I’d like to go as soon as possible.”

  My enthusiasm for his idea pleased him, and he picked up his office phone without saying another word to me. “Ryder, I have a job for you. Come to my office.”

  As he hung up, I stood to leave. “Thank you, Daddy. I knew coming down here was a good idea.”

  On my way out, he stopped me. “Serena, I want you to know lately you’ve shown a strength I didn’t know you had. I’m not sure your sister would have been able to deal with all of this like you have.”

  Surprised to hear my father compliment me on the one thing he’d always said I lacked, I smiled. He had no idea how strong I could be.

  Or how strong I planned to be.

  “Thank you. Maybe I’m more like you than you always thought.”

  His eyebrows slowly raised up into his forehead. “Maybe you are. Let Ryder know your volunteer schedule and if Oliver can’t take you, I’ll make sure he will. And you know what else I think we should do? I think this house needs something to celebrate.”

  “Celebrate? Like what?” I asked, unsure what he could mean.

  Taking me by the shoulders, he smiled and nodded as he explained what he wanted to do. “Since you’re feeling better now, I think a party would be just what the doctor ordered. I’ll get your sister and Charles to come for the night since I think he’s returning tomorrow, and I’ll invite some people. You’ll see. You and Oliver will have a good time.”

  I thought about my father’s parties, most of which did little to bring out any happiness in me, and remembered the last one. “Will there be dancing? I’d like that.”

  “Of course there will be dancing!” he said with a big smile. “I’ll make sure Ryder is there since I know he loves that too.”

  Stifling a chuckle, I tried not to look too surprised by his claim that Ryder loved to dance. “Okay, Dad. That sounds nice. Black tie or more casual?”

  “Let’s do more casual this time since it’s going to be an impromptu get-together. We’ll make it for this weekend.”

  My father opened his arms and hugged me for the first time in longer than I could remember. It felt utterly foreign but some part of me felt comforted by his attempt to be more than the tyrant he’d always been.

  Looking up at him, I smiled. I didn’t expect him to become father of the year, but I liked this small effort. “Thank you, Daddy.”

  He kissed the top of my head and whispered, “And don’t you worry. We’ll have a wonderful time and you’ll forget all about your troubles. But never doubt that the person who did this to you will pay. Never doubt that. Never.”

  “I don’t doubt it. Not in the least.”

  * * *

  I sat in the backseat of the black town car as Ryder slowly drove through the estate gates and could barely wait to finally get a chance to speak to him without anyone else around. My father insisted on having me come to his office so we could leave from there, and with so many eyes on us, we hadn’t said two words to each other by the time we reached the car out front.

  “Stop the car, please,” I said as I grabbed the handle to open the door.

  Ryder looked around as if to check to see if the coast was clear and pulled off the side of the road. Hurriedly, I jumped out and got into the front seat, finally able to look into his eyes and say what I’d wanted to for days.

  “Tell me you’re okay, Ryder. I need to know.”

  His face remained as stony as it had been the day before in my father’s office. In a low voice, he said, “I’m fine.”

  He moved his hand to shift the car into drive, but I caught it and weaved my fingers through his, and he stopped dead. Slowly, he turned his head and let out a heavy sigh. He wasn’t fine just like I wasn’t.

  I brought our entwined hands to my lips and kissed his rough knuckles, loving the feel of them scraping against the soft skin of my lips. “Talk to me. Please. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

  Quietly, like the words were being torn from his throat, he said, “I can’t do this with you, Serena. I can’t. This is torture.”

  “Why? Look at me. Why is this torture?”

  He refused to face me. “We’re never going to be together. I know that now. All we’re ever going to have are moments like this, and I can’t do that. It’s not enough.”

  I turned his head so I could see his expression. I needed to see the truth in his eyes. What I saw was the purest sadness I’d ever seen in my life. “I know you miss me. I miss you. I miss our baby. I know you need someone to talk to about what we lost like I do. Please talk to me, Ryder.”

  Closing his eyes, he lowered his head. “I can’t do this. I spent the last week wishing I could just hold you just to feel you next to me so I knew you were safe. Worried what was happening with you and Oliver. I was scared to death he’d hurt you again, or maybe this time he’d get his wish and you’d end up dead. We’re never going to be together. Your plan isn’t going to work.”

  “Why? Won’t you wait until it does? You just have to be patient.”

  He turned his
head to look at me and I saw tears in his eyes. “Your father knows it was Oliver. When he has me take care of him, he’s just going to find someone else for you. We’re never going to be together, Serena. We have to accept that. It might hurt to be apart now, but it’s going to hurt a lot more if we continue this.”

  I felt like my entire world was crumbling away around me. In the week since I returned home, Ryder had come to the decision that there was no hope for us. He’d given up on me.

  On us.

  Clutching his hand, I begged, “Don’t do this. Don’t give up so easily. My father just told me yesterday that he thought I was strong. Maybe he won’t try to force me to marry another man after Oliver. Please, Ryder! Don’t give up on our dream now. It’s all I have to hang onto.”

  “That’s all it’s ever going to be. A dream. We’re trapped in this world of your father’s, this nightmare where I do his dirty work and you’re traded away to further his business interests. How can we ever be together in that world?”

  I pulled him close and began to cry. “It doesn’t matter what we are right now. We’re going to be together. Please don’t give up on us. I can’t go on if all I have is a life without you.”

  A car drove up behind us and Ryder pulled away until it passed us. Shaking his head, he pointed to it. “Do you see what I have to do? I can’t even hold you in my arms because I’m afraid that someone will see us.”

  Laying my head on his shoulder, I tried to find the words that would convince him not to give up. “I know it’s hard now. It’s always been hard for us. We made it through my father sending me away. We made it through me trying to kill myself. We’ve made it through him forcing me to marry someone else. We can make it through this too.”

  Ryder turned his head to look out the window and in a voice full of pain said, “Between your father and Oliver, they’ve taken everything away from us. What do we have left but stolen moments like this as I drive you places? How can this be enough?”

  “Because it has to be. I love you. If this is all I can have of you right now, then I’ll take it. It’s not perfect, but it’s never been for us.”