If We Fall Read online

  Oliver sits at his desk, and I instantly notice how different he looks from Robert when he sits in his office. Surrounded by books, he seems dwarfed by them as he sits in his chair. I watch through the window as he swivels back and forth between those books of his positioned on either side of his desk as he researches something. I have no idea what it is, and I don’t care.

  I’m not there to discuss an appraisal with him. Tonight, I finally will put an end to him.

  Swallowing hard, I push down every emotion inside me until one simple idea fills my mind. He must pay for what he’s done to Serena and our unborn child.

  I turn the door knob and find the front door unlocked. Cocky fuck. You threaten the daughter of the man who had your brother killed and you don’t even lock the fucking front door? Mistakes like that are what cost people their lives.

  Creeping down the dark hallway, I head toward the dim light coming from his office. I still have no idea how I’m going to do it. Do I torture him like I want to, beating him until there’s nothing left to identify of that smug face of his? Do I just make it quick and shoot him twice in head? No talking, no build up, no nothing.

  I don’t know. Maybe when I’m standing in front of him remembering how I felt cradling Serena in my arms at the bottom of those stairs as our child died inside her I’ll know then. What I do know is I want to do this one.

  Only one of us can continue to walk the earth. Him or me. It can’t be both.

  I stop just before I reach his office door and pull my gun out of my waistband. I still don’t know if I’m just going to shoot him, but in case he’s armed, I need to be prepared.

  Looking into the room, I see him working and wonder if he’s already told Robert everything. Suddenly, a chill races down my spine. If he has, Serena could be in danger. I have to get back to the house to make sure she’s okay.

  Oliver doesn’t move when I take a step into the room and stop, my gun pointed at his head. I take another step toward him, and then he looks at me. His beady little eyes open wide at the sight of me there with a gun in my hand.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks in terror as his gaze darts from my face to the gun in my hand and back up to my eyes.

  “You know what I’m doing here,” I answer flatly, seeing no reason to explain the obvious.

  His fear turns quickly to anger. “So have you and that slut wife of mine been planning this for long or is this because I planned to tell Robert everything tomorrow?”

  Hatred courses through my veins at his mention of Serena like someone deserving of his insults, and I take a step toward him. “I’m going to enjoy doing this one.”

  I point my gun directly at the center of his forehead while he begins to beg for his life like a sniveling little pussy. “I don’t have to tell him anything. I can just go away. It can be as simple as that. I just go away and you never have to deal with me again. Please. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

  Rage makes my chest hurt, and I shake my head in disbelief that this fuck doesn’t get it. “You pushed her down the stairs and left her for dead after you killed our child. Now you think you deserve some kind of fucking reprieve? What kind of reprieve did you give my child?”

  He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Over and over, he looks like he wants to say something, but then he presses his lips shut. I watch and think he looks like some kind of fish I saw at an aquarium when I was a little boy.

  “Nothing to say to that, Oliver? You pushed her down the stairs and kicked her. A pregnant woman and you kicked her. Why not just leave her?”

  Shaking his head quickly left and right, he says, “I couldn’t leave. Robert would have had me killed if I did that. I didn’t have a choice.”

  His claim he didn’t have a choice makes me want to kill him even more. “You didn’t have a choice other than to try to kill your wife and kill her unborn baby?” I bellow at him, ready to see this end once and for all.

  He raises his hands in surrender and continues to shake his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. Please don’t do this.”

  I don’t say another thing and press the trigger on my gun, sending a single shot straight for his forehead. It hits him and he stops shaking his head no, slumping back against the chair.

  The end of Oliver. A life for a life.

  But as I stand there looking at the blood splatter behind him on the wall, he sits up and shakes his damn head again. How? He’s dead. I saw him die.

  “So now you can have her. Is that what this was all about?” he asks in a tone of disbelief.

  “This isn’t real,” I say backing away. “You’re dead.”

  “Of course, I’m dead. You just shot me in the head,” he says in that smart ass smug tone he’s used with me before.

  “I’m not doing this again with you fucking Landons.”

  “Doing what? Hearing the truth?” he asks as he wipes blood from around the hole in the center of his forehead.

  “No. I’m not doing this with you too. You don’t get to be self-righteous, you fuck. Maybe your brother has the right, but you don’t. Not after what you did to Serena.”

  “Yeah, I was a shit to her, I guess. I never wanted to marry her, to be honest. My brother thought it was a good idea. He thought we could get some of the Erickson money by having me marry her. But that was never going to happen, was it?”

  His casual way of talking about the woman I love pisses me off, but I know none of this is real. At least I think none of this is real. Fuck, I don’t know. Maybe some of it is.

  “I think he must know about you two, you know that?” Oliver says like he’s enjoying our conversation and wants to keep it going. “I mean, now that I look back on it, it’s hard to imagine anyone not knowing. You never could take your eyes off her whenever the two of you were near each other. Not that she was innocent in all of this.”

  Nothing he says means anything to me, so I turn to leave and am stunned to see him suddenly standing right in front of me. The hole where the bullet went in seems to be getting bigger and spreading across his forehead. I try to sidestep him, but he moves wherever I move, always shaking his head.

  “I’m not going to say I’m sorry for killing you, Oliver. Don’t bother trying to lecture me like your brother did. You got what you had coming to you.”

  He stops shaking his head, and for a moment, the hole doesn’t get any bigger as he stares at me like my words bother him. “What do you have coming to you, Ryder? Now that you have what you’ve always wanted, what’s it going to cost? Because nothing in Robert Erickson’s world is free. So what’s the price?”

  I don’t know what he means, but it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.

  “I’m not going away, Ryder. She may have forgotten me, but you won’t. You’re a killer, but obviously you aren’t as cold as Robert thinks you are. Or you think you are. And you know your time is coming. He’s going to get rid of you just like you got rid of me. When you become a hassle, your time’s up,” he says with a grin as the hole in his head begins to spread again.

  His skin slowly disappears until all that’s left of the top of his head is his skull and his brain. I raise my gun to shoot him point blank so I can at least stop him from grinning, but it doesn’t work.

  He just keeps smiling and repeating himself. “He’s going to get rid of you like you got rid of me. He’s going to get rid of you like you got rid of me.”

  Over and over, he says those same damn words until he’s screaming at me in a terrifying, screechy voice. “He’s going to get rid of you like you got rid of me, Ryder!”

  I push past him to run out of the building as he continues to yell that again and again until.

  “No!”

  I sat up in the darkness, my heart pounding like a jackhammer in my chest and my mouth parched. It was all a dream.

  “Ryder, what’s wrong?” Serena asked quietly, placing her hand on my leg. “Did you have a nightmare?”

  Struggling to get my bearings, I clutched he
r hand in mine and tried to figure out what the hell just happened. “I was talking to…I mean, I was having a dream about…”

  She cupped my cheek with her hand and kissed me gently. “You’re covered in sweat. Are you okay?”

  Leaning into her palm, I closed my eyes and felt relief wash over me. “Yeah. It was just a nightmare.”

  “It’s okay,” she whispered against my lips. “You’re safe right here in bed with me. Why don’t we lie down?”

  I inhaled deeply and nodded while she eased me back onto the bed. Safe right there with her. Right where I belonged.

  Fuck Oliver and fuck Jacob. They didn’t know anything. I wasn’t like Robert. I wasn’t.

  Serena rested her head on my chest and slowly ran her hand over my stomach. “Your heart is going a million miles a minute. That nightmare must have really gotten to you. Do you remember what it was about? Maybe talking about it will make you feel better.”

  I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forget my nightmares, but I couldn’t tell Serena about them. She didn’t need to be saddled with my guilt. I deserved it. She didn’t.

  Shaking my head, I felt her hair brush against my lips and reveled in her being there with me. “No, it’s all just a blur now. I can’t really remember anything that happened.”

  With fear in her voice, she asked, “Was it about the baby?”

  “No,” I answered truthfully, happy I didn’t have to lie about that. I kissed the top of her head and said, “I’d remember that, I’m sure.”

  Serena sighed. “Good. I’m glad it wasn’t about Cayden.”

  Tightening my arm around her, I pulled her body to mine until she melded to my side. “I’m sure it was nothing. Go back to sleep. I’ll listen for him in case he wakes up.”

  “Okay. I love you, Ryder.”

  “I love you, Serena.”

  I listened as she drifted off to sleep, blissfully unaware of what I knew awaited me in my dreams. All I could hope was the man I tried to be now made up for everything I’d done before.

  Chapter Five

  Serena

  Every night, Ryder tossed and turned next to me as we lay in bed, tormented by nightmares he refused to tell me about. Sometimes he woke up in terror, sweat pouring from him as he swung his arms like he was in the middle of a fight.

  But I suspected it wasn’t his time in the ring he dreamed about each night. Something darker troubled him, and I knew it had to do with what he’d done for my father, and if I was being truthful, for me. He hadn’t killed Oliver for anyone but me.

  Had I asked him for too much and now what he’d done haunted him?

  He shook his head and mumbled, “No…I’m not like him…” Once and then twice he repeated those same words, and I watched as his expression turned down into a frown in his sleep.

  Gently, I pushed on his arm to wake him up, unable to watch him like this. “Ryder, you’re dreaming again. Wake up. Look at me.”

  Turning his head toward me, he opened his eyes and smiled. “Are you okay?”

  Such a typical Ryder reaction. Whatever he was dealing with, he hid it from me, and the first thing he thought of when he woke up was to see if I was okay.

  “I’m fine. You were tossing and turning, and then you started talking in your sleep. I thought you might be having a nightmare.”

  He thought about my question for a moment and then shook his head. “I don’t think so. Did I wake you up?”

  Giving him a peck on the cheek, I felt his rough stubble against my lips. “Yes, but I’m more concerned about you than me waking up. Cayden wakes me up all the time. I’ve gotten used to it in the past month.”

  “Has it been a month already?” he asked with a smile before he nuzzled my neck, his stubble now tickling me.

  I loved when he was like this. Sweet and sexy, as if whatever troubled him didn’t exist and all he knew was happiness. All I wanted was for him to be happy. It’s all I’d ever wanted for him.

  “Ryder, aren’t you tired?” I asked as he slid his hand up under my tank top to cup my breast.

  Lifting his head, he gave me a sly smile and shook his head. “Not really. Sleep is overrated. Sex, on the other hand, is definitely not.”

  His lips trailed down my neck and slid across my collarbone, sending shivers over my skin. Burying my hand in his hair, I held him to me and loved the sensations he created in me just with the merest touch of his lips on my body.

  “What did you have in mind?” I asked with a giggle when he rolled over onto his back and pulled me on top of him.

  His devilish grin told me the answer before he even said a word. Sliding his hands down to my hips, he gripped them tightly and held me on his cock. “I thought I’d fuck my wife until she couldn’t walk anymore.”

  “And who will be taking care of our son after this fucking until I can’t walk sex marathon is over? I bet you didn’t think about that, now did you?”

  Sliding his thumbs over toward my already wet pussy, he nodded. “I did think of that. I can take Cayden to work with me while you recuperate. See? I have this all planned out, so there’s no use in fighting me.”

  I leaned forward and flicked my tongue along the seam of his mouth. “No fighting here. You sound like you have it all taken care of.”

  Ryder lifted his hips off the bed and ran his hard cock through my pussy. Grabbing my ass, he squeezed hard and moaned. “Good. I can’t wait to be inside you, Serena.”

  He pulled me down on top of him and tugged hard at my hair as he roughly spread my legs with his knee. A sweet ache formed in the pit of my stomach when he slid his cock over my clit, and the intensity in his eyes as he looked up at me made me whimper with need.

  “Stop teasing, Ryder.”

  “I just love watching you get all excited for me,” he said before he ran his tongue across his lower lip in that sexy way that made me want him all the more.

  His playing frustrated me, and I pouted. “Not fair.”

  “Come here,” he said as he pulled me to him and kissed me slow, his tongue gliding over mine and inching my desire up until I reached around and slid my hand over his cock.

  “Somebody doesn’t want to wait tonight. I like the way you feel wrapped around me like that. Don’t stop.”

  “I’ve got a better idea,” I said before I sat down on him and slowly let his cock fill me until there was no space left between us. Against his lips, I moaned, “Now that’s better, don’t you think?”

  “Mmmm…I like this. Ride me, baby.”

  I lifted myself off him until just the tip of his cock stayed inside me and then rolled my hips slowly to take all of him. He slid his hands over my hips to my clit and traced circles over it with the pad of his thumb as I rode his cock. I watched him stare up at me with that look of pure desire that never failed to excite me.

  The beginning of my orgasm began to uncoil inside me, and when it hit me, I slammed down on him, needing to feel him fill me completely. My thighs trembled against his sides while he watched me come, his gaze fixed on me like seeing how his cock pleasured me enchanted him.

  “You looked like the perfect woman right at that moment when your cunt squeezed my cock at the end. Like all you ever wanted was me inside you.”

  Leaning forward, I kissed him and smiled against his lips. “I’ve always wanted you. You know that.”

  “Always, huh?” he said in a way that sounded like he didn’t believe me.

  I rolled my hips and felt him press against the inside of my belly. “Always.”

  His eyes twinkled at my answer, and he grinned wickedly. “I love when you say that.”

  He kissed me hard and rolled us over so he was on top of me. Flipping me onto my stomach, he pulled me up onto my knees and spread them wide. He slipped his hand around my throat and whispered in my ear in low voice that made me wet with desire, “I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop.”

  I pressed my hand against his cheek as he slid inside me. “I would never beg for you to stop.”r />
  “Then I guess this is how the rest of our lives go, right here with my cock buried inside you.”

  He pulled back, leaving me almost empty, and then thrust forward, filling me so completely I gasped for breath. Everything he was—strength, power, sensuality—washed over me, and I wanted more.

  More of all he was. For the rest of my life. All he would be and everything I could be.

  Ryder’s hand tightened around my throat, and he grunted low and deep in my ear with every plunge into my body. Like every sound came from deep inside him in a place where that man who fought in the ring still existed.

  His hand slid down over my breast and pinched my nipple, sending a string of need directly to my pussy. I pushed back as he rammed his cock into me, wanting to feel him find that place inside me that only he had ever touched.

  “You’re so fucking wet,” he groaned in my ear before pinching my nipple again.

  I loved when he said things as he fucked me. I rarely said anything, usually so lost in the feelings he created in me, but his words about how much he wanted me never failed to thrill me. He made me feel like I was his, like every part of me was his to protect and delight.

  Gripping the sheets between my fingers, I reveled in the feel of him sliding in and out of me, faster and faster until his hard body slammed against my ass and pushed me forward with every thrust. He held my hips tightly, his fingertips sinking into my flesh, but I didn’t care. Every sensation, whether it be pleasure or pain, thrilled me because he brought it out.

  I slid my fingers over my needy clit and rubbed, desperate for another release. Ryder plunged into me one final time and stilled as he came hard inside me, and seconds later, my orgasm raced through me and I joined him in our shared ecstasy.

  He traced his finger down the center of my back and pressed a kiss on my spine. “I love the way your cunt feels when you come and I’m inside you,” he whispered against my skin. “Still one of the best things in the world.”