If We Fall Read online

  Every time he called me son my stomach tensed up like my body expected a fist to hit it. I wasn’t his son. I’d never been his son. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be one of his children after seeing how he treated them.

  “Fate, huh? I think it’s simple science how boys are made, Robert.”

  A look of confusion settled into his face for a moment before he chuckled again. “No, I wasn’t talking about our little guy. I meant how you got rid of your friend. I had a feeling you’d go out there after him. I didn’t expect you to do what you did, though. That’s love for you, though, right?”

  I didn’t know where Robert was going with any of this, but I didn’t intend on denying anything. I didn’t like what I’d had to do, but I hadn’t put Jesse in that position. He did.

  “Losing Alita would have killed Serena. You knew it and you still ordered her death. Just let her be.”

  He took a deep breath and sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “So now my wife is in the wind with that son of hers. Oh, you didn’t know Michael was her bastard child? The look on your face says she didn’t tell you.”

  Shaking my head, I tried to conceal my surprise at Robert’s bombshell. “I had no idea, but it doesn’t change anything. I don’t care what she did twenty years ago. I couldn’t let Jesse kill her. I couldn’t do that to Serena.”

  “I imagined you wouldn’t. I just thought Jesse would be better at his job. But since he wasn’t and you’re still here, I have no choice but to make sure you’re happy.”

  “Why? What do you care if I’m happy? And don’t say that you know it would break Serena’s heart if you killed me or even sent me away because you’ve never given a damn about her.”

  Robert shook his head. “I care because you’ve finally given me what I always wanted from you. That little boy is going to carry on this family. That’s why I brought you here. I hoped you’d choose Janelle, but you didn’t, so plans changed slightly. But in the end, the result was exactly what I always wanted.”

  So Janelle had been right. I had been brought to the estate as a stud after all.

  “And you aren’t just going to get rid of me now that Serena and I have produced an heir for you?”

  He grimaced like the idea horrified him. “No. Our boy needs you to teach him. I’d be foolish to get rid of you now.”

  “My boy, Robert. My son. Cayden is my son, not yours. I’m not going to let you manipulate him like you’ve done to Serena and Janelle all their lives.”

  He brushed off my statements and returned to my promotion as if nothing else had been said. “You’ll start in your new position in a few weeks. Johnson has been informed, and I suspect he’s gathering his best fish stories as we speak.”

  “Why a few weeks?” I asked, on edge for anything that seemed out of the ordinary with him.

  But he simply shrugged. “I wanted to give you some time with Serena and the baby.”

  I couldn’t decide if he’d lost his mind or lost his edge. Either way, Robert was still a madman. Now he just seemed to be a madman who’d gotten what he wanted.

  At least for the moment.

  As with all madmen, his mood would change. Who would suffer when it did was what I didn’t know. I suspected it would be Alita, if he could find her.

  I intended on making sure he never did.

  Standing to leave, I extended my hand to shake his. “Thank you for everything, Robert.”

  He stared at my hand for a moment and then grabbed it. “Usually, the handshake is saved for when the deal is closed. We aren’t there just yet, son. But for now, you’re welcome.”

  I left without saying another word. All I knew was truer words had never been spoken. We weren’t to the end of our business yet. I knew that for sure.

  * * *

  “Have you seen the nursery yet?” Serena asked as I pulled the car up to the front of the house.

  Putting the car in park, I turned to face her and shook my head. “No. I didn’t want to spend any more time here than I had to after my meeting with your father and I wanted to get back to the hospital so we’d have time to hit the courthouse today.”

  Serena leaned toward me and kissed me softly on the lips. “I understand, husband. I wish we didn’t have to come back here at all. But all that matters is the three of us are together, right?”

  “Right. Let me come around and get you before I get Cayden.”

  I moved to open my door, but Serena stopped me. “I’m not an invalid, Ryder. I can get out of the car myself. I just had a baby. If anyone should be taking it easy, it’s you. You were shot, remember?”

  The ache in my shoulder never let me forget, but I didn’t want her to know how bad it hurt, so I just smiled. “I’m fine, and I know you just had a baby, but let me take care of you, okay? That’s not a request either.”

  She giggled in that sweet way I loved, and when I opened her door, she looked up at me with gentleness in her eyes and said, “I love having a husband who wants to take care of me, but he has to let me take care of him too. Remember the vows? Love, honor, and cherish. That means taking care of you too, Ryder.”

  “I remember, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to change who I am. So let’s get you out of the car so we can get our son to his new room.”

  Her brown eyes clouded over with worry. “Let’s hope it’s not horrible. I have this vision of our son’s room decorated in all gold with dollar signs all over.”

  Cringing, I shut the car door and hoped Robert had better taste than that. “Sounds like some kind of music mogul’s bedroom.”

  I got Cayden out of the car and into Serena’s arms, and the three of us walked up to those enormous glass front doors I remembered being impressed by the night I arrived at the estate. So much had happened since then. Now I wasn’t just a stray being let into the house but the husband of one of Robert’s daughters and the father of his grandson.

  Things had definitely changed.

  We walked through the entryway over the marble floor to the winding staircase and neither of us looked to our left as we passed Robert’s office because our son held our complete attention. He had no idea how important that was as he slept safely in Serena’s arms.

  I opened the door to what had been Janelle’s room and heard Serena inhale sharply behind me as we saw the changes her father had made for it to be Cayden’s nursery. He’d obviously left the design to someone who liked babies. The walls had been painted a pale green and pictures of animals lined the entire room. Giraffes, lions, tigers, and zebras made the place look like a zoo.

  “Oh, my God,” Serena said quietly in my ear as we walked toward the dark wood crib at the far end of the room. “It’s beautiful!”

  I hadn’t exactly thought of my son spending his first years in a zoo, but the design was cute for a baby. It certainly could have been much worse.

  “This is your new room, Cayden,” she said as she pointed toward the animals painted on the wall. “That’s a zebra, and that’s a lion. And that tall, spotted animal is a giraffe.”

  Seeing her so utterly content and happy made me want to think everything would be okay from now on. I knew that was unlikely, but as I watched Serena dote on our son in the middle of that room Robert had redecorated just for him, I had hope.

  I wrapped my arms around her and the baby and whispered in her ear, “I think he might like it. Babies love animals, right?”

  Serena smiled. “Actually, babies can’t really see colors like these. That’s why some people make their nurseries black and red since they can see those colors. But it means a lot, I think, that my father did this for Cayden and actually remembered he wasn’t just a tiny adult. Don’t you think so?”

  I wanted to think so. I didn’t want to ruin this moment for her either, so I nodded and pretended that I hadn’t just heard Robert talk a few hours earlier about ordering Alita’s death like he was commenting on the temperature of the room. He hadn’t changed, and I had a feeling Serena knew it too. She just wanted to be
lieve he had for Cayden’s sake.

  “It does mean a lot. I have something to tell you too.”

  For a moment, she looked concerned and drew her eyebrows in with worry. “Oh? Did something happen to my mother, Ryder?”

  Shaking my head, I hurried to tell her the good news. “No, no. I’m sure Michael is keeping her safe. No, I wanted to tell you that Robert made me head of security for the estate. No more working as one of his men or fighting. I’ll just be spending my days figuring out why that front gate camera never works right and listening to Johnson tell me boring fishing stories.”

  Her eyes lit up with happiness, and she leaned in to kiss me. “Oh, that’s great news! Maybe this is a sign of things to come.”

  As Serena placed Cayden down into his new crib and tucked him in under a pale green blanket, I wanted to believe things would be okay. Robert was a still a madman, but we’d changed. I wasn’t that same person who’d walked through those glass front doors and worried he didn’t belong, and Serena wasn’t the same either. Having Cayden had made her stronger than ever before.

  Maybe that would make all the difference.

  Chapter Four

  Ryder

  My hands push hard to keep his head beneath the water as his arms and legs flail desperately to get free of my hold. It’s no use. Better to let the inevitable end come sooner than later and suffer less. This is just the way it has to be.

  I watch as his movements slow and gradually stop altogether, his body going limp and sliding down the side of the hot tub until nothing but the top of his head shows.

  And that is the end of Jacob Landon.

  The bubbles still simmer across the water, and I stare into it for a moment before pushing down my sleeves. I completed the job. Now to get back to my life.

  Turning to leave, out of the corner of my eye I see something move. I spin around and see Jacob Landon standing in front of me. His dark, wet hair sticks to his head, and his eyes bulge out of their sockets. His pale skin looks heavy and thick, like there’s too much of it on his bones, and water seeps out of every part of him.

  He opens his mouth to speak, but instead horrible choking sounds come out. Awful noises like his lungs are filled with liquid and no matter how much he coughs, he can’t get it all out. I watch, expecting his face to turn beet red from coughing so violently, but he remains that sickly pale color.

  Finally, he bends over the side of the hot tub and vomits so hard it sounds like something painful is being cast out of his body. I stand there in shock as the words repeat in my mind over and over.

  He’s dead. He can’t be alive. I killed him.

  Lifting his head, he sneers like he knows exactly what’s going through my mind at that moment and my thoughts disgust him.

  He points at me, water dripping off the tip of his finger slowly but steadily, and gurgles, “Yes, I’m dead, Ryder. You killed me. Just like Robert ordered you to.”

  I stare at him in horror, shaking my head as I watch water continue to pour out of him. “This isn’t possible. You aren’t standing there talking to me.”

  “Because you killed me. Yes, I know. I was just enjoying my nightly hour or so in my hot tub, and you drowned me. And for what? Because I called some girl a whore? I deserved to die for that?” he asks matter-of-factly.

  I don’t know if he deserved it or not. And I don’t care.

  “I’m not arguing with a dead man. You’re dead. There’s nothing more to say.”

  “And yet here I am and here you are, the man who killed me. I guess I should have seen this coming when I let Oliver marry Robert’s daughter. I knew what he was and let that snake in anyway.”

  “Serena,” I say to correct him, needing him to understand she isn’t just Robert’s daughter. She’s Serena.

  Staring at me with revulsion all over his face, he asks, “What?”

  “Her name is Serena. Call her by her name.”

  He chokes out a mouthful of water that dribbles down his chin onto his chest and clears his throat as best he can. “Fine. Serena. I should have never let my brother get involved with Serena Erickson. I knew what she was and still let him marry her.”

  With every word, my rage threatens to explode out of me. I can’t let him stand there and talk about her that way, like she’s done anything to hurt anyone.

  “You look upset, Ryder. What do you care what I think of your girlfriend? Whore or angel, what does it matter? She’s Robert’s daughter. That’s all anyone needs to know.”

  “Shut the fuck up! Don’t talk about my wife like that.”

  “Wife?” he asks wide-eyed, obviously surprised to hear Oliver isn’t her husband anymore. “I guess that means my brother isn’t among the living.”

  I simply shake my head, unwilling to defend myself to this fuck. I had a job to do and I did it. Period. Nothing more. Nothing less.

  “You think that’s how it is,” he says like he knows what I was thinking. “But at some point, don’t you think you have to accept some of the blame? I mean, you could have told Robert no when he started making you kill people.”

  “No. There was never any choice.”

  Water begins to pour out of his mouth and eyes, and I watch as he writhes in agony, trying desperately to stop it but failing. I reach out to help him, not knowing how I could but not wanting to see him suffer anymore, but I can’t.

  Nothing can help him.

  When the water slows, he coughs violently until he can speak again. I keep expecting blood to come out, but always it’s water. Water and more water.

  “So never any choice. Did you think at all about killing me, or did it just happen like some robotic movement devoid of any emotion?”

  I hadn’t thought about it. Not really. Robert ordered me to do it, and after my surprise at hearing him actually say the words faded away, I felt nothing about killing Jacob Landon. Even now, as I stare at him, amazed at how much water still pours from his body, I feel little other than anger at how he’s talked about Serena.

  “I guess that means you’re just some kind of killing machine. Nice. I could have used one of those when I was alive. Maybe if I thought to have Robert killed neither of us would be standing here tonight,” Jacob says, sounding disappointed that he hadn’t thought of the idea before that moment.

  “You’ll judge me for doing the same thing you just said you would have done?”

  He ignores my attempt to show him his hypocrisy and takes a step forward in the hot tub. His eyes narrow to angry slits in his waterlogged head, and a gurgling noise comes from his throat that makes my blood run cold.

  “He’s evil, and you’re just as bad. You’re just like Robert! You are! You’re no better, Ryder! No better! And you’ll meet your end just like all of us you killed did, and no one will deserve it more!” he shouts, spitting water with every vicious word he spews.

  I sat up straight in bed, my hands pushing the air in front of me to shield myself from the water he spit at me. Staring out in terror, I saw Jacob Landon wasn’t in front of me anymore, and I was back in the bedroom I shared with Serena.

  After my heart stopped slamming into my chest and I could take a breath, I shook my head to rid myself of the vivid nightmare. Never before since Jacob Landon’s death had I given him a moment’s thought, but now what I’d done to him haunted me.

  Was he right? Was I just as bad as Robert?

  His claim that Robert would order my death just as he’d ordered Jacob’s didn’t surprise me, though. Ever since he found out about Serena and me, I’d prepared myself for the eventuality that he would get rid of me as he had so many other people he no longer saw a use for.

  I ran my hand through my sweat drenched hair and reminded myself that I wasn’t just some hapless business partner of his he could simply eliminate. I’d been the one who did his dirty work. I knew how he operated. I might not know when he’d come after me, but I could guess how.

  Maybe the new cocky fucker who’d thought he could tell me what to do earlier that day
would be the one to do the job. I already suspected he was more ego than brains or even brawn, so if he came after me, it would involve all sorts of talking and boasting before he did it. Just like those fighters who’d always thought the glaring and talking smack helped them, he’d find out while he was spouting his shit, I will have figured out a way to make him the one who got taken care of.

  But maybe now that Cayden was born Robert wouldn’t be in such a hurry to kill me, even after all I’d done to betray him. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be that man I’d need to be to defend myself from him and his men.

  I didn’t want to kill anymore. I’d never wanted to. I knew people like Jacob Landon didn’t believe me, but there never was a choice. Not with Robert. He made it clear every day. You either obeyed him or you paid with your life.

  There was no middle ground. Those who obeyed were prized, and those who betrayed were punished.

  As I sat there thinking about all I’d done, I knew Robert’s strange obsession with me as his adopted son was the only reason I’d escaped real harm so far. Not even his daughter’s love for me mattered as much. But a sick feeling in my gut told me I’d been replaced in his mind with someone else.

  My son.

  The sound of him sleeping in the room next to ours came through the baby monitor on the dresser, a mechanical reminder of the little human being who already had changed my life for the better in so many ways. Just the thought of Robert controlling Cayden’s life like he’d controlled mine and Serena’s made my stomach twist into knots. I wouldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t. Now that my son had come into my life, I swore I wouldn’t kill again except to protect him and Serena.

  I just feared that sometime in the future, I’d have to do just that to the very man who’d brought me here. If that happened, I would kill again. For them.

  Serena shifted in the bed next to me, pushing her leg against mine, and I sat watching her for a moment. Still the sweetest and gentlest soul I’d ever met, even she’d grown harder in the past year because of what Robert had forced her to endure.

  I touched her hair, so soft against my fingers, and wondered if we’d someday harden over so much that we became like Robert. Had Jacob been right?